Anonymous vs Open

There is a lot of debate whether it should still be possible to make use of anonymous sperm donors in Denmark. In this post, I will share my thoughts and experiences. I am a child of an anonymous sperm donor, as there were no other options when i was conceived.

Anonymous = Bad 

The general perception of the population is that anonymously equals something bad. We would like to know as much as possible about everything, and to many it is unthinkable choose not to know.

Statistics shows that couples consisting of a man and a woman are more likely to choose an anonymous sperm donor. Whereas solo mothers and lesbian couples are more inclined to choose open donors.

In a couple consisting of a man and a woman, I understand the choice of an anonymous donor. Especially from the man’s perspective. It is a big compromise when you give up your own biology to have a child. Possibly sharing the title as dad at the same time is perhaps too much.

The point of view

The most used argument against anonymous donors is, that it is not in the children best interest. Some believe that it is a human right to know your biological origins and to have the opportunity to contact them. I do know that this is a need for some donor conceived children. Nothing bad about this.
But why take away the possibility af anonymity fore those who do not?
I dont have the the same need. I think it is a big relief that he is and was anonymous. This meant fewer considurations about if i wanted to know and meet him or not. A lot more questions would have had to be dealt with, had he been open.

If you choose to use an open donor, it is very important to ensure that the child has realistic expectations. And also to be there for them if they get disappointed. That is my biggest fear.
The Argument that the child can choose themselve with an open donor is good, I agree. But I find it easy to forget how many thoughts and concerns it kan cause the next 18 years. 

Honesty is more important than biology

My position is; Why change something that works? The results hasn’t been great in the countries that removed the possibility of anonymous donations.

Also I don’t think this is the most effective way improve the wellbeing of donor conceived children. If this is the aim I think honesty and openness is way more important. This i wrote about in the post; Tell your child. I find it more important to make sure that the child is not surprised by the news of their genesis. In that case, I think fewer would feel the need to know about their donor.

Then there is the question if anonymity is at all an opportunity with the development of DNA testing. Should We instead focus on taking better care of our donors?

Please tell me your thoughts and opinions in the comment below!

Read about my relationship to my donor –Click here

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