This is my first blog post, where I share negative emotions associated with being a donor child. The post is about how I have sometimes felt lonely.
I was the world’s most wanted child. My parents struggled for 6 years to have me, and I was a little miracle. The last egg, which had been frozen several months and just had to be “cleaned up”, as my mother says. They had lost hope and were almost through approval for adoption. But then I came along. Therefore, I received special attention and affection from my parents when i was a baby.
Then after 22 months the twins came into the world. Not only they were there two of them, but they are also my father’s biological children. This was due to the, at that time, new ICSI method.
I was very jealous that i now had to share the attention!
My parents have never treated us different. To both of them, we are all equally their children. We were very old before the idea that we were half siblings, struck us for the first time. Probably because it never felt like anything other than family.
To experience solitude
As most people have heard or experienced, there’s just something about twins. They have a very special bond that you can never become a part of. An understanding that can also be achieved after many years of marriage. And that is exactly where I found myself, left out of the understanding of my parents and my sisters.
Especially when the whole family went on holiday, it became more noticable. There was mom and dad, Asta and Iris, and then there was me all by myself. It was never actually the case, but it felt like it because of their mutual understanding.
And it spoke into something in my subconsciousness, namely the loneliness of being different. I felt left out and like the black sheep in the family. But as soon as we were at home in a familiar environment, with everyday life, friends and full speed the feeling disappeared.
I do think that feeling lonely, as I have experienced myself, is very common. Solitude is an extreme taboo and therefore it is not something many people talk about. I’m not writing this post for people to feel sorry for me, or because my family did something wrong. Just to make you feel like it’s okay to be lonely and different from time to time. It has not meant that I am unhappy or dissatisfied with my parents ‘ choices regarding me.
It has made me aware of something where I have to work on myself.
Perhaps if I had talked to others about it, or shared my experiences with other donor children had the solitude felt less?
Openness
Taboorised topics are never easy to talk about, but possibly the most important to talk about. This is where one can really make a difference to other people and perhaps avoid a feeling of solitude in another human being.
Also read my post taboo on various taboorised aspects regarding donor children.
I’m brought up to talk about things when something is difficult. Being more open will possibly help future donor children with some of the solitude they may experience.
That is certainly my hope!
Please tell me about your own experiences with solitude in the comments section below!