My parents were young when began trying to have children. I took 6 years of fertility treatment, until they finally were expecting a child. It happened with help from a sperm donor. The Doctor who helped them become pregnant, then advised them not to tell the truth about my way into life. That was the advice given to the parents of donor children back in the ‘ 90s. Fortunately we’ve become wiser over time and this it not advised today. And to my luck it was an advise my parents had no intention of following.
My parents were afraid that I would turn my back on them one day if i suddenly found out that my father, in a biological sense, was not my real father. Throughout the whole process, they had been honest with family and friends that they were struggling to have children. And now what would you tell them? The truth and hope that no one would ever talk about it. Or lie to all of them?
My parents saw only disadvantages and greater losses by keeping it secret. It meant that I grew up with the story of a nice man whom we do not know that helped us become a family.
We talked about it as far back as I can remember. I was told early in life how sperm from men would travel to the egg from the woman in order for it to become a child. My parents explained to me that another man had helped us by giving his sperm you put on my mothers egg. I have always thought of him as someone pleasant and unselfish who me and my family.
Honesty is key
I am so so happy that my parents were honest and told the truth from when I was quite small. It never became a shock to me, and my parents spared the torment such a secret can cause to a person and their family.
Many parents wait for the child to become older so that they better will understand every aspect of being a donor conceived child. Some are waiting for the right time, but when is the right time?
I say save yourselves for the torment and tell it from the beginning of the child’s life. Then they gradually understand more and more and it will never become at surprise or shock.